SO disconnected. I’m kind of over it … but to distrustful to change it.
Realistically, I’m difficult to catch up with. Mainly, I think, was because I was raised to “not bother anyone”. If people want me for some reason, they’ll get hold of me.
There is also that fucked up part of me that wants to prove my inner voice right.
A self fulfilling prophecy.
Aaaand people generally get on my nerves if I see them on a daily basis.
Actually, the only people who don’t are my three kids and my extra.
Here’s a thing though. I wasn’t always like this. Well … not as much. I could be trite and put it down to getting grumpier as I get older, but that’s actually bullshit.
I’m getting angrier as I get older.
I used to chase around after my friends.
Want me to look after your kids on a regular basis? No problem.
Want me to help you with the gardening? All over it.
Want me to pick you up from the airport and drive you around all over the place while you’re here? Sure, happy to.
Isn’t amazing, though, how much my social life took a dive when my car shit itself?
Funny how people have such busy lives … if it involves them coming to you. Just putting that out there.
I never even noticed. I was happy to spend time with mates, help them out if I could (and that was totally a two way street!), and enjoy their company.
So what made me notice?
One person, who is quite new to my life. I’ve only known her for a couple of years. If she wanted to see me, she would come to my house … and usually drive me back to hers because my place isn’t child proof AT ALL. Then she’d drive me home again.
I have a new car. So I go see her … or if we’re going somewhere we decide who is going to pick who up and who is going to drive. Usually her, ’cause baby-seat.
It is a nice change.