I’d probably get roasted for this, if anyone was reading, but I don’t really care.

If you’re infertile, why not just not have kids?

I realise that sounds harsh, but what if it’s the universe telling you something?

I read, and hear, all this blather about the best interest of the child. But sometimes it has nothing to do with the child, and everything to do with the desires of the aparents.

PAP’s would do well to remember that a potential child will have different DNA. Despite what many would have you think, personality, hobbies, interests and talents are just as influenced by nature as they are by nurture. Your adopted child, who will grow into an adult, may be completely different from you and your family.

Is that going to be OK? Don’t automatically say “Of course it would! Don’t be ridiculous!” Actually think about it.

Are you from academic people, who value formal learning and all the associated habits. Are you going to be OK with your child being “arty-farty”, or mechanically minded, or simply just not academic at all.

Or the other way around. You’re moved by music, art and cultural pursuits, but your child grows up thinking that kind of thing is “self indulgent waffle”.

It could happen. It HAS happened.

You’d think it wouldn’t be a problem! Everyone is different, right? We’re all individuals.

Not so much, in some cases. There does seem to be a genetic tenancy toward artistic talent, business nous, academic prowess and such like. You’ll definitely find plenty of families with multiple generations in related fields.

You going to be alright with that? Will you “indulge” your child in their differences, will you “tolerate” them, or will you support them fully even though you really don’t understand the appeal?

Adoptees, young and older, can be amazingly perceptive, and they will know if you’re just indulging or tolerating.  They might not say anything, but it won’t do their sense of self a huge amount of good.

2 thoughts on “Infertility?

  1. Because infertile couples go through so much a lot of times they forget the baby they desire will become an adult some day. It’s such a life altering decision beyond the couple to pursue adoption and third party reproduction that it’s important for couples to really think about the child they will raise. They need to address any individual feelings they have and any issues as a couple they are having.

    For me the dream is raising a child with my wife not raising a “dream child”. What is a “dream child” anyway? I was hardly perfect as a child. In fact I was rather difficult. Despite my parents wanting me to become a teacher I went into business.

    It’s unlikely we will pursue adoption but I would embrace a child we raise that is different than us. I would almost expect them to have different interests. If they are artistically talented and enjoyed it, that would be awesome. Same goes if they went into some type of trade. I’d support them no matter what their interests were and learn from them. That doesn’t mean I’m naive to think they wouldn’t have issues that came with their adoption that were out of our control. I would almost expect that to happen.

    I’m not perfect but I don’t think I’m a bad person who the universe is trying to tell me something.

  2. Firstly: Hi!

    (Wow … Someone read this???)

    You’re probably right, and the universe isn’t trying to tell anyone anything.

    You also read like you’ve got your thoughts in some sort of order, which helps a lot.

    I’m coming from the mind set of someone who was given to a couple who struggled with infertility for years, and had all sorts of ideas in their heads about the way things should be – In *Our* family we do this – as opposed to the way things actually were.

    But no, I do realise not everyone is like that :-).

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