If you are an adoptive parent, and your child wants to search for biological family, calm down. It will be fine.

Well. If will be fine if you don’t have shit-fits about it, if you are supportive.

If you don’t like it, but are trying to be supportive … well, good on you … not many people can change how they feel.

I would suggest, however, that you keep a tight lid on any snarky remarks or negative feelings, until you have them under control and are able to discuss them in a calm and rational manner.

An example: After you adoptees first meeting with nfamily of any kind, yelling at her for being late home for dinner sends a very telling message. Particularly if the adoptee is over 18 and has still managed to get home before dark.

Try to understand that this is probably a big thing. It is probably overwhelming. It will behoove you to be there for the adoptee, the listen and to help process all of the conflicting emotions.

Don’t resort to guilt, or any of the “aren’t we enough for you?” bullshit. Do you have other family? Friends? Other kids? Or can you love only one person at a time?

Here’s the thing.

Most parents have more than on kid. And of those, most of them have enough love in them for all their kids.

Why can’t an adoptee have enough love in them for both sets of parents?

They can.

It only becomes a problem when the aparents make it a problem.

I’m sure there are nparents who also make it a problem, but that is for another time.

If aparents indulge in guilt (subtle or otherwise), it won’t be forgotten. Adoptees are already expected to be grateful at all times, no matter what, by society at large, don’t add to the bullshit of someone you are supposed to love.

You might *win* in the short term, but it won’t be forgotten … and it seems as though quite a few adult adoptees come out of the adoption fog, and start having serious issues with it, as established adults.

Don’t assume that *winning* any competitions with natural families now will set you up in the long term.

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